8 unfortunate truths about joining the Mile High Club
It’s the holy grail of air travel: Joining the mile high club.
Having sex on the plane has been hyped up to the max as a romantic and cheeky activity for any travelling couple.
But there are some things to remember before you get jiggy at 30,000 feet.
1. Flight attendants are smarter than you think
These people are working on planes full time. Do you really think they can’t see you and your boo sneaking into the loo for a quickie, or the queue mounting outside the door. You’re not that slick, and you will probably be noticed.
2. It’s not illegal to do it in the bog, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get shamed
Reddit is full of stories from flight attendants admitting to screwing with amorous couples. Some announced a congratulations over the intercom, and others popped champagne for the pair exiting the toilet. Imagine many more hours with all your fellow passengers knowing you’ve just got some.
3. Although it is illegal if you do it in public
You may have had one too many of those tiny bottles of prosecco, and what with the altitude you can get more tipsy than expected. But, do not – I repeat DO NOT – feel tempted to start things off at your seats. That’s public indecency, and has seen people get taken off planes by the police. There’s probably kids on the plane, too, and it’s not worth scarring them for life on their way to Disneyland.
4. Plane toilets are really gross
They’re cleaned in double-quick time when the aircraft is cabbed, meaning the lav you’re making love in will be much less than spick and span.
As well as this, don’t forget they’re just chemical toilets and usually have a pretty pungent odour at the best of times. If you’re looking for rose petals and plush silks, stay in your seat. If you can tolerate the germs, well that’s all your call.
5. You probably won’t fit comfortably
Car sex connoisseurs will know how to contort themselves into small spaces, but if you’re used to a king-size it might be worth some revision beforehand. Stick to positions that won’t send one of you flying through the mirror or with a foot down the loo.
6. You need to consider flight location and length
Flying to conservative areas of the Middle East? Keep it in your pants.
On a short-haul from Birmingham to Aberdeen? Not even enough time for a peck on the cheek.
9am breakfast flight to Alicante? Are you for real?!
7. The door can be opened from the outside
People staying in the toilets for a long time can be a safety risk on board, and if flight attendants get worried, they can open the door from the aisle. Just remember that lock is not invincible and you could be caught with your trousers quite literally down by the cabin crew and passengers.
8. You’ll probably regret a ‘romantic’ tryst with a stranger
There’s something about planes that makes people feel different. Locking eyes with someone across the aisle feels more like fate and less creepy than usual.
There is, however, the reality that you can’t know someone at all in that time – even if you’re on a long haul. Richard Branson actually lost his plane virginity (get it?!) when he was only 19, only to find out that the woman in question was married. Don’t let that be you.
Why plane sex has become this magical goal, nobody knows, but if you want to end up without a criminal record and a very red face be discreet and keep it to the bathroom. Otherwise your holiday could be way less fun than expected.