Does Sex On The First Date Ruin A Potential Relationship? Here's The Truth
By Rachel Shatto4 days ago
It’s crazy that in 2017 we are still worried about whether it’s OK for two consenting adults to have sex on the first date, but here we are. Or that being sexual when and how you want to means you cant find love like a proper lady. Bullsh*t. Folks, if the old adage “why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free” were true, humans would have ceased to exist on this planet a long time ago. I mean, do you really think every couple you see are together because they waited at least three dates to enter le bone zone? No, of course not. There are plenty of happily coupled people who 100 percent did the nasty on their first date — or even before it. How do I know? Because I’m one of them, and guess what, I know plenty of other people who have, too.
Are there creeps out there that will hold your comfort with your own sexuality against you? Of course. But who cares? You wouldn’t want to go long-term with someone like that anyway. If they are freaked out or judgmental about your sexuality, you can bet they’ve got some other hang ups about women, too. I say, “Boy, bye.”
Here's what having sex on the first date really means for a potential relationship.
The Majority Of Dudes Are Fine With It
The old belief that if a woman sleeps with a guy that they will lose all respect for her is dying. Sure, some people cling to those antiquated (and sexist) ideas, but those people are jerks. In a 2013 study conducted by Cosmopolitan, in which they polled 1,000 18- to 35-year-olds, a whopping 83 percent of womenbelieved that having sex on the first date would make men lose respect for them, but when asked, 67 percent of men answered that they “absolutely don’t think less of a woman who has sex on a first date.”
In fact, according to the 2017 Singles in America study done by Match, men are three times more likely to use a one-night stand to start a relationship, and in 2016, this same study showed that 25 percent of them have turned a one-night stand into one. OK, so are we done with this stigma? Yes? Good.
You’re Not Alone
If you decided to hook up on the first date, you are in good company. According to the Singles in America study, millennials are 48 percent more likely to sleep with someone right away to see if there is a connection. Here’s the thing: Sleeping on the first date may actually tell you that there is no connection there, so I guess technically it could ruin the relationship, but no more than discovering any other incompatibility. And honestly, wouldn’t you rather know sooner than later?
Love Is Not Dead
Conventional wisdom says that sleeping together on the first date is a romance killer, but actually that’s not true. Despite being 48 percent more likely to do the deed right away, millennials are also 30 percent more likely to have a first date that leads to a second. Looks like us ladies are keeping them coming back for more.
There's Never Any Guarantee That A Date Will Turn Into Love
While the taboo about sex on the first date is fading, some experts still warn against it for various reasons. For celebrity matchmaker Alessandra Conti, it comes down to biology, which puts women at an emotional disadvantage after sex. When women have sex, their bodies are flooded with oxytocin, which makes them want to trust and bond with their partner. This can make a potential ghosting much more painful. “When a guy ghosts after sleeping with you, he would most likely ghost you even if you didn't sleep with him, but the difference here is that you are now emotionally and chemically bonded to him, which will make getting over the jerk much harder than it would if you had just gone on a couple dates,” she says. She also warns it's a pretty efficient way to add unwanted f*ckboys to your life. Fair point.
Another thing to consider is how leading with sexual chemistry can cloud your judgment. Relationship and etiquette expert and author April Masini warns: “Once you start sleeping with someone, you may tend to let things slide, like deal breakers. Chemistry is not always your friend if you’re looking for a compatible, long-term relationship partner.” Never sacrifice your needs and emotional well-being no matter how good that first date D was. And never, ever feel like you owe someone sex. If you choose to hook up day one, it needs to because that is what you want, not because of outside pressure or a sense of obligation.
Whether you sleep with someone within 15 minutes of meeting them or wait forever, there is no way to guarantee that any date will evolve into a long-term relationship, so at the end of the day just do whatever the hell you want — so long as you do it safely (i.e. condoms always!). If it’s to have sex right away, Mazel Tov! Or if your decision is to wait, that’s A-OK, too. The right person will love you whatever you decide.