The best way to dump someone, according to science

The best way to dump someone, according to scientists Ellen Scott for 7 Oct 2017 4:23 pm 

How would you prefer to be dumped? Would you like a drawn out explanation? Would you prefer the bomb to be dropped after you’ve enjoyed your dinner and have a comfortably full tum? Or are you a ‘just text me and get it over with’ type? It’s tricky to know the best way to break up with someone – not just because, well, there’s no nice way to tell someone you don’t want to date them, but because it’s tricky to tell if we’re choosing techniques for our own comfort or the other person’s.

 It’s easy to be selfish with a breakup. They might need an explanation, but you can get away with not giving one. But if you are a decent human being and want to make your breakup slightly less excruciating for the one being dumped, there’s a certain communication style you should use. New research from Brigham Young University in Utah has found that when it comes to receiving bad news, including being dumped, the majority of people prefer a direct approach free of bullsh*t and waffling. 

The study offered 145 participants different forms of hypothetical bad news, giving them different scenarios and two potential ways they’d like that news to be delivered. For each bit of bad news deliveries, participants were asked to rate how clear, considerate, direct, efficient, honest, reasonable, and specific they thought the delivery had been. They were then asked to rank how they valued each of those characteristics. Overall, people valued clarity and directness over all other characteristics. Researchers found that if someone is delivering bad news about a relationship, such as firing someone or breaking up with them, the person receiving the bad news would prefer directness over a load of buildup or trying to ‘ease them in’. 

‘An immediate ‘I’m breaking up with you’ might be too direct,’ said researcher Alan Manning. ‘But all you need is a ‘we need to talk’ buffer – just a couple of seconds for the other person to process that bad news is coming.’

No, your partner shouldn't have to delete their ex on social media Most Brits think their partner is more attractive than them You need to poo at your boyfriend's house And when it comes to bad news about physical facts, such as ‘you’re dying’, ‘I’m sick’, or ‘that milk isn’t actually milk’, the majority of people want absolutely no buffer. ‘If your house is on fire, you just want to know that and get out,’ says Manning. ‘Or if you have cancer, you’d just like to know that. You don’t want the doctor to talk around it.’ Fair point. While dancing around the topic or buffering the news may help the person delivering it to feel less awkward, it’s no help at all to the person receiving it. So if you’re dumping someone, cut to the chase and deal with the fallout as it happens. Don’t drag it out just because you’re feeling uncomfortable.

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