Guy finds a life-size doll and lugs it home. Hilarity ensues

A man was seen lugging what appeared to be a woman down a road in Kansas City, but it turned out it was just a life-size doll. Apparently the man found the doll in a dumpster behind a restaurant (I have questions!) and was trying to bring it home. The best part are the transcripts of the 911 calls, which you can see here